June 2010

6-29-2010

We completed the adoption application on Tuesday. My dear friend, Lisa, took me by Lifeline Adoption Agency on Wednesday to drop it off. We are all excited, scared, anxious… still lots of emotions always right below the surface. We feel vulnerable and that doesn’t ever feel good. Fears about every aspect of this remain our biggest obstacle. In all honesty, we don’t talk about it at length much with one another or publicly. We are normally strong on communication with one another so it is really strange for us to be doing something so major and talk so little about it. But God has shown us His will and we all know that Jeremiah 29:11 is true. His plans are good.

There are lots of things that we wonder about involving the future. We are all learning to let go of some things that we used to hold dear and felt we knew for certain. Letting go, and certainly sacrificing, is still challenging at times, so we each pray a lot. We are searching our hearts and checking our own faith and life foundations to assure any fractures or cracks are dealt with prior to getting Bella. We are working hard not to have preset expectations about what it will be like once we do meet her and she becomes a part of our family. She will have some pain and brokenness that will take priority so we don’t want to have unresolved issues in ourselves at that point. 

For today, and every day until we get to her, we pray for Bella. We pray she is being held so that she mentally and emotionally is learning to bond and attach with people. We pray she is being fed and growing strong and healthy. We pray she is being cleaned and doesn’t have diaper rash or worse skin irritations. We pray her special need; whatever that is, does not give her pain. Although we know most of that is probably a stretch for one baby in a large orphanage, we pray it anyway. It is not a stretch for God. Our hearts long for her. We covet your prayers for Bella and certainly for us throughout this journey.

Of course, the enemy is busy. I prayed yesterday morning on the way to work for strength and protection over our family. I was very aware that we would be under attack throughout this process. Right after lunch, Lifeline called to let us know that China may not accept us due to the malignant melanoma Dale had removed last October. Although he has a clean bill of health and is checked thoroughly every 90 days, China in recent months has become very strict on cancer, especially skin cancer. Lifeline suggested we requested letters from both doctors to clarify that the cancer was caught early and no further treatments were necessary. These letters will be sent to the CCAI, Chinese Children Adoption International, to see if this will clear their concerns up front and prevent a denial down the road.

Although that news was heavy and knocked the breath out of us for a little bit, we still know what God has told us. We have a daughter to locate and bring home. He will not allow any obstacle to stop His plans. We prayerfully leave it in His hands to keep our hearts open to His will throughout our search for Bella.

We will keep you updated.